New Beginnings Page 3

  “We haven’t picked which one yet, we’re looking through the brochures right now. Probably a two week cruise I think, maybe to Fiji or we may head in the other direction and go to New Zealand. I’ve always wanted to go to New Zealand.”

  “Me too.” Which is the truth, I have always wanted to. Like me, Mum has never left the country and so I find myself actually getting excited for her. A cruise does sound great. “When will you go?”

  “Not sure yet, I’ll let you know. Probably not for another couple of months.” She pauses for a moment and I hear a muffled sound. “Oh, Jack says hi.” Really? I’m sure he said no such thing.

  “Tell him hello back,” I mumble out of politeness.

  “Any plans tonight?”

  “No, just a quiet one at home.”

  “Bianca!” She makes a tsk sound. “It’s Friday night, you should be out and about. You’re not going to meet a nice young man if you don’t even leave the house! What you need is to get a decent job-”

  “I have a great job!” I interrupt, getting angry.

  “You can do better. Hey, I know, you could save some money and then you could travel. Maybe you could go on one of those singles cruises, I have the brochure for that right here. I’ll save it for you.”

  “Mum, I’m not about to go on a singles cruise!” I snap.

  “It was just a suggestion, no need to get all agro on me. I’m only trying to help.”

  “I know, Mum,” I say with another eye roll.

  “I just want you to be happy.”

  “I AM happy! Sorry, Mum I’ve got to go, I have another call,” I lie, wanting this conversation over already.

  “Okay then, I hope that it’s a girlfriend who wants to go out dancing or something.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” Does she know me at all? I don’t even like going dancing! “I’ll speak to you soon. Bye.”

  I hang up before she gets a chance to say another word. And then I turn my phone off. She makes me so angry!

  I’m not a child anymore so I don’t know why I still feel the need to have her approval. But I do. I constantly wish that we could have a conversation where I wasn’t a disappointment to her. Just once. I’m happy with how I live my life. I love my job. I’m content, even if I sometimes wish I wasn’t so alone, but whatever I do I’m never good enough for her! I know I never will be, so I don’t understand why I can’t just ignore these stupid feelings and move on. Why can’t I let her thoughtless comments wash over me and for once, have a decent, happy, normal, conversation with her?

  Seth

  After the longest, most tedious, three day break, I find myself entering the café with a little more bounce in my step than usual. When I purchased my morning coffee I was served by the pink-haired girl and all morning I’ve been looking forward to my lunch break, hoping to be served by HER. After only being met with a half-hearted greeting, I place my order and sort through my scrambled thoughts, trying to find something to say.

  “I like your shirt. You look good in red.” I compliment the girl behind the counter but, of course, she doesn’t respond. I’m not sure why I feel the need to say things like that to this girl. I’m not interested in dating anyone at the moment, and I’m not usually the type of person to dish out compliments to strangers either. “Did you have a good long weekend?” I ask, in another attempt to get her attention. I’m sure she had a better time than I did. I was bored out of my mind for three days straight. I worked from home just so I had something to do.

  “Fine thanks,” she says, continuing to piece together my ham and salad sandwich. She passes me the plate and refuses to make eye contact. “I’ll bring your coffee over in a couple of minutes.”

  “Okay thanks.” I stare at her for a moment, hoping she’ll look up. She doesn’t. So I grab the plate and find a table.

  I have a mouthful of food when she brings over my second coffee fix for the day. I quickly swallow.

  “Thank you. Your coffees are the best,” I say stupidly, but she doesn’t look in my direction. She just keeps her head down and sulks back behind the counter.

  Maybe she’s just one of those people that doesn’t enjoy her job and so she hates workdays on principle alone, and that makes her grumpy. I watch her in between mouthfuls of my sandwich. Her light brown hair is pulled back in a ponytail today, it’s a little messy and a few strands have come loose again. She catches me staring at her and blushes before quickly looking away. But then she smiles that megawatt smile when the girl with pink in her hair speaks to her. She truly is mesmerising when she smiles like that. The other girl says something else to her and she giggles, her whole face lighting up. A moment later she looks sad again. I can’t help but wonder why her mood is always changing. It’s almost like she’s faking happiness. Well, I suppose I can relate to that. Ever since I left Melbourne, and Emma, behind I feel like I’ve been doing the exact same thing.

  When I finish my sandwich, I carry my red mug and black square plate up to the counter and just like this morning, she blatantly ignores me.

  “Ahem.” I clear my throat to get her attention. It doesn’t work, she keeps her back to me but the girl beside her looks up and gives me a sheepish smile before turning her attention back to the sandwich she’s making. “Excuse me.”

  “What?” She finally turns in my direction.

  “Um …” I motion to the plate and mug on the counter.

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you?” I reply, not sure why I pose it as a question.

  “Is that all?” she asks in a frustrated manner.

  “Ah ... I guess so.”

  “Good, because I’m not interested!”

  “What?”

  “You heard me, I’m not interested. You’re not my type! Please don’t bother me anymore.” Her face reddens and her blue eyes angrily bore into mine.

  “Bother you? When was I bothering you?”

  “Oh, only every day, when you come here and stare at me! Like some bloody stalker.”

  “A stalker?” My temper flares. She kinda has a point… but where does she get off?

  “You’re here every day, trying to chat me up.”

  “I wasn’t chatting you up!”

  “Yeah right.” She rolls her eyes. “Just because you come here in your fancy suits, thinking you’re god’s gift to women and I have to serve you … doesn’t mean you can presume that I’m looking to-”

  “I’m sorry, I was just being friendly. I didn’t realise I was making you uncomfortable.”

  “Please just leave!”

  I stare at the distractingly multi-coloured splashed wall behind her for a moment before looking her in the eye again. There is a fury behind those blue eyes that makes me want to fight with her more, just so I can keep looking at them. Not knowing how to respond though, and with no idea what I’ve done that’s so offensive to her, I raise my hands in surrender and back out the door.

  I pause just outside the café, shaking my head at the girl inside.

  “Hey!” I hear from behind me. Turning around I see the other girl, the one with all the tattoos and piercings and pink tipped hair, leaning against the brick wall at the side of the door, smoking a cigarette.

  “Is she like that with all the customers?” I ask incredulously.

  “No, not all of them, if she were she wouldn’t have a job here.” She smiles at me. Despite all the piercings and what-not she’s quite pretty when she smiles.

  “So what’s her problem then?” I ask.

  “Well … she has anger issues … mummy issues … issues with dickheads …” she nods at me and takes another drag.

  “So I’m a dickhead?” I ask, shaking my head. She doesn’t reply just continues to grin at me. “She doesn’t even know me!” I glance back at the girl in the café and see her smiling and chatting to another customer.

  “Ahh, but you’d like to change that, huh?”

  “Well, now I’m not so sure.”

  She laughs at that and I feel like I’ve just passed a
test or something. She pushes off the wall with her foot and places her cigarette in the side of her mouth. “The name’s Scar,” she says, extending her hand. I shake it. I wonder why she’s called Scar, she’s got plenty of tattoos but I can’t see any scars. Maybe that’s why the tattoos - to cover the scars.

  “I’m Seth.”

  “So Seth, don’t take it too personally, maybe stop hitting on her though,” she says, cocking her head to the side.

  “I wasn’t-”

  “Sure you weren’t.” She winks, leans back against the wall and takes another drag of her cigarette. There’s something about her cocky attitude that I find disarming.

  Not sure what to say next, and realising my lunch break is over, I make a move to leave. “I’ve gotta get back to work,” I say, quickly glancing at my watch and turning in the direction of my office. “So, um … see ya Scar,” I throw over my shoulder as I walk away in confusion.

  Bianca

  Scar comes back from her break moments later. I try to pretend that it’s not killing me to know what went on outside between the two of them. I saw them talking to each other and she knows it. And Scar, being the bitch that she is, ignores my curious glances just to make me sweat. After a couple of minutes of her slyly watching me, with a smug look on her face of course, I succumb to the pressure and walk over to her.

  “What did he say?”

  “Hmm? What did who say?” She feigns ignorance. I give her arm a shove. “Oh, you mean ‘the suit’? He asked what your problem was,” is all she says.

  After a moment I have to prompt her. “And?”

  “I told him you have anger issues, mummy issues and you don’t need another dickhead in your life. I also told him, above all else, you are extremely sexually frustrated.”

  “WHAT? You did not! Please tell me you didn’t say all that!”

  “No,” she shrugs with a smirk, “I didn’t say all that.”

  “Scar! What did you actually say?”

  “I said some of that,” she says cryptically then turns to serve a customer, leaving me reeling. “His name is Seth, by the way,” she says with a wink a couple of minutes later. What the fuck has she done? Which ‘some of that’ did she actually say to Seth? Then again, any of that would be embarrassing.

  Ahh fuck!

  ***

  I lay in bed, trying to sleep, but Seth’s brown eyes haunt me. He looked at me today like I was a crazy person. Maybe I am. So what if he was hitting on me? I had no right to attack him like that. I called him a stalker! He looked so put out by that comment. I really didn’t have to be such a bitch to him. I should’ve waited until he actually asked me out and then I could have just told him politely that I wasn’t interested. That’s what any normal person would do.

  Woah, I really have tickets on myself, don’t I? He said he was just being friendly. Maybe he was. Maybe I read him wrong and he didn’t want to ask me out at all! So now I look like a psycho bitch for yelling at him like that. I don’t know how I’m going to face him tomorrow … if he ever comes back to the café that is.

  Seth

  I think I read her all wrong. Her friendly smile and kind eyes made me want to befriend her. The fact that she never aimed that friendliness at me was intriguing, but it should have been my clue that she didn’t like me, for whatever reason.

  However the girl I saw yesterday was someone else. Her eyes were wild and with her messy hair and smart mouth … I realised that I was attracted to her, well for a moment anyway. But then her anger really caught me off-guard. I mean come on, was that really necessary? I didn’t think I was hitting on her. And I sure as hell didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable.

  Heading to the office I’m on autopilot as I make my usual detour towards the café for my morning coffee. I hesitate at the door for a second, contemplating whether I need the coffee bad enough to warrant being chastised by that girl again. I glance through the window and see her smiling as she hands a female customer her change. I take a deep breath and push the door open.

  Scar looks up and gives me a warm smile before moving over to the girl, saying something in her ear and then heading out back. I see HER tense up as Scar leaves her to deal with me. It makes my back stiffen as I get prepared for another onslaught of her totally-uncalled-for anger, but when she turns towards me I suddenly remember all the things she said yesterday. She implied that I thought I was better than her, that I would treat her like a piece of meat. She implied that I was coming to the café just to stalk her. All of a sudden it’s me who’s full of anger.

  Bianca

  “He’s back,” Scar whispers in my ear. My back is turned to the counter but I don’t need to ask to know who he is. My heart rate accelerates and I can feel the heat making its way up my neck to redden my face. “Your customer,” she sings, before heading to the kitchen, leaving me no choice but to turn and face him.

  “Just a flat white to go thanks,” he says with a glare before looking away. I get hold of a take-away cup and silently make his coffee, I have no clue what to say to him. I’m so embarrassed over my outburst yesterday I’m not sure how to handle it. I can feel his eyes on me but I can’t look at him, as much as I want to, I just can’t. When I hand him his cup, and he hands me a five dollar note, my eyes make their way to his, even though I don’t want them to. He’s glaring at me, the warmth I have gotten used to seeing in his eyes every day, has now gone. He’s looking at me with complete coldness and anger and it’s entirely my fault.

  “I’m sorry-” I begin, but he cuts me off.

  “For your information I have not been stalking you. My office is just around the corner from here. You happen to make a really good coffee and I’m going to keep coming here, whether you like it or not,” he spits at me harshly. “I’m sorry if my comments offended you, I’ll be sure to be less than pleasant to you from now on.” He pushes away from the counter, looks to the door but then turns back. “You said you don’t like when people make presumptions about you, well I don’t either. But I must say, presumption or not, you seem rather conceited because I was in no way hitting on you.” And with that he turns away and storms towards the door. “Keep the change!” he hollers over his shoulder and then he’s gone.

  I feel terrible.

  Seth

  I stare unseeingly at the woman on the screen as she smiles widely at the man beside her - Nick and Emma, happy and in love. As much as it still hurts I know it’s time to get over it, time to move on. I need to let her go. I never really had her to begin with and the constant photos of her showing up in my Facebook newsfeed for me to ponder, need to be gone. Today, for the first time, I feel ready to hit that unfriend button. Ready to say farewell forever. I’ve never unfriended anyone in my life. I have hundreds of friends on Facebook, most that I don’t have anything to do with but I still haven’t got rid of any of them. For some reason though it feels necessary to get rid of Emma. I’m never going to move on if I don’t get her off my newsfeed.

  So I do it. I click and I feel a weight lift.

  ***

  The next day when I enter the café for my morning coffee, Scar greets me while SHE is busy with another customer.

  “Back for more?”

  “Yeah, I’m feeling brave.” I see the girl stiffen at my words and I make a conscious effort not to look her way. “You have great coffee Scar, what’s a guy to do?”

  Once the coffee is made I attempt to pay but Scar waves me off.

  “On the house. Call it a welcome back coffee.” She nods her head in the girl’s direction and gives me a wink. “Glad this one didn’t scare you off.”

  “Thanks, Scar. Good to know there are a few decent people in this city.”

  I bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing when Scar does, and I hazard a glance to see HER face going red. Take that! One rude girl isn’t going to stop me from missing out on the best coffees around.

  The next day Scar serves me again and it’s good to see a friendly face so I go back at lunch. Then I
continue to go to the café daily. Scar makes a point of serving me every time, and I make a point of avoiding eye contact with the girl because I don’t want to give the impression that I am stalking her. She seems to be fine with that – ignorance is bliss and all, I guess.

  And so I’ve finally found a friend in this city and it just so happens to be Scar, the person I would least expect. I tell her a little about my job and how I relocated here from Melbourne. She’s very welcoming and suggests that I meet her husband Ben. She takes pity on me being new to the city and she invites me to her house for a party to meet some of their friends.

  As I chat to Scar, I feel the girl's eyes on me. I feel her silently fuming as Scar gives sidelong glances in her direction. Scar doesn’t mention her, or even tell me her name, and I’m grateful for that, I don’t need a name. I don’t need to fixate on her more than I already do. I honestly thought I was just trying to make a new friend. After everything that went down with Emma, I’m not sure I’m ready to start another relationship. Still, I can’t help feeling strangely attracted to this girl. Why did it take her verbally abusing me to make me realise that?

  I notice her hovering closer each day, almost like she wants to get my attention. It oddly pleases me. I would love for her to go on the attack again. I want to see that fury in her striking blue eyes. I would love to get a rise out of her … or some sort of reaction at least.

  Bianca

  I’ve seen Seth almost every day since that morning a little over two weeks ago. When he said that he would be less than pleasant to me from then on, he wasn’t kidding. He hasn’t spoken a word to me since, he barely even looks in my direction anymore. He has however become more than pleasant to Scar. And Scar has been lapping it up, flirting with him and glancing back at me for a reaction. I know she’s not interested in him, she’s extremely happy with Ben. I also have a feeling that Seth’s not interested in her either, just trying to rub in the fact that he actually is a nice guy and not at all what I accused him of being.